Iris, I'm getting into super quick arguments with others right now? Can you tell me why?

Question

I also have two questions. The first is that I’ve noticed that lately I get into arguments very quickly, not with all people, but with a few people, and with one friend I don’t talk at all. I don’t think we’re in contact any more, not at all. We’ll see with the other one. And I wanted to ask why that is. Does it have to do with the fact that a lot has changed in this Corona period? It seems to me that these two people, with whom this has happened.., are very selfish. What bothers me is that I find that the two of them are so very egoistic and on the one hand selfish and on the other hand not taking responsibility for their behaviour. And that really annoys me. And is that now that before I was still the same way and I just didn’t get annoyed by it? Or have you changed? So I don’t know. This is completely new for me, that I have such a super crass argument with people all of a sudden, very quickly.

Iris

Conflicts are within us humans. They are not among us. So, what you can look at yourself is, that’s why I get charged, what do I get a conflict with? Why do I jump at it like that? If there is something in what the other person has said to you, that makes you feel charged, that hits you, that hurts you, that makes you frustrated and irritated, then you can know that there is some truth in it. So if instead of attacking the other person or defending yourself, you turn inwards and ask yourself, what can I say over here? And just stay in it in what hurts a little bit, what’s confusing or what’s potentially contentious. And there’s a chance that you can talk about it as a phenomenon rather than getting into an argument. So, an argument is not about right or wrong, it’s about looking at what do we disagree about and then looking at that as a phenomenon. Is that possible to understand?

Question

Yes, I understand that. I can look at my part, so to speak, but with these two people I really have this feeling, I don’t really feel like going on with them. It’s like we’re on completely different levels. I don’t feel like working on these relationships. And I realise that this is completely new for me, that I have always done a lot in my life, always worked on all relationships. And now it’s a bit like, oh fuck you and I’ll go away. Yeah, I understand that there’s probably my part in it too, but I’m kind of, I’m kind of liking the arguments right now, too, I have a feeling.

Iris

And that’s about you going from having been a victim to now going after the other person. And those are the two sides of the same thing, of that adjustment. When you have the same opinion as the other person, when in fact you don’t have the same opinion, or if you’re against that opinion, these are two sides of the same thing. On the other hand, that is, as I say, to pause and think about it, think about what the other person is saying, as a phenomenon. Not to go by desire, but: What do I think about this? What do I think about this? What, what can I say about this?

Question

Okay, yes, I’ll look it up.